i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Did I show you my penis last night?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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