i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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