i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
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