hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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