i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
