Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize