actually, I'm a sock model
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
