Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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