The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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