There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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