I just pynch a tree in the face
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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