I just saw a hot homeless man
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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