You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
