I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
my poor anus
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
