I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
