the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
