oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
