took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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