Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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