Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
