mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
