Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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