Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
