I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
