We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I just want nice things and good sex
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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