sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
