Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We were destined to go to rehab together
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
