my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
