I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
