the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish i was in the wii world.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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