DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
