I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
