shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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