I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
