but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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