All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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