Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
