just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize