So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
