Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That's how pantless uber rides happen
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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