Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
