in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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