Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
