So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
