I want to walk on stilts...naked
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did I show you my penis last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
