i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
