apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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