I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
