WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
