checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
