Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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