I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
