She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize