wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
