I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
