i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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