i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
