a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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