Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you traded sex for a burrito?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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