I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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