Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Randomize
