My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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