Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
