i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
