As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
