omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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