yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
