Who wears a wallet chain?!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
