She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
